What Happens When You Look Like a Daddy but Mentally Aren’t One?

I made a joke on my social media a couple of days ago that turned into something much deeper than anticipated.

The joke was, “I’m creating a gay soap opera for men who like older guys called All My Daddies.”

The first comment on it read as follows:

“I feel very trapped! I’m old and have gray hairs but don’t pull off the daddy look, and I certainly don’t act like one. So, I don’t get daddy chasers. I do love a sexy daddy myself but I’m too old for the daddies that want younger, prettier models. I’m also no longer a cub and not really a bear! I’m in a gay demographic purgatory!”

Another one rang similar to my friends’ woes:

“There could be the subplot in there about the “daddy” who still sees himself as a cub and still wants men 10 years older than me.”

The idea of men who view themselves as a cub/twink when it comes to the daddies they fantasize about, when society clearly labels them as a daddy too based on age & appearance, is far from anything new in our community.

Is this ultimately a problem though, or something you can ride the wave with the older you get? To me, the stereotypical words like “daddy” and “cub” or even “top” and “bottom” are a tad obsolete at this point. There is no clear indication over who is what, as only you yourself truly know what you identify as and with when it comes to exploring your sexual desires.

I am in the middle, age wise, if stereotypes are put into place regarding how I should identify (cub on one side, daddy on the other). Personally, though, I find myself acting as the daddy in bed when I hook up with guy’s in their 20’s yet tend to go all submissive for older men.

There’s the element of power in one and the complete opposite in the other. I start to wonder if this type of thing will continue into my 40’s and 50’s, when I reach that prime “daddy” look, but still act 10-15 years younger in and out of the bedroom with men who are my age and a bit older.

From my point of view right now, having a younger 20ish mindset when being with men your own age is perfectly fine and fun. If both parties have a mutual understanding, and each person is treated with dignity and respect, then what’s not to like? Go ahead and get yo daddy.

This post was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject.

Gay Teen May Face Death Penalty if Swedish Government Deports Him Back to Iran

Mehdi Shokr Khoda, a 19-year-old asylum seeker who describes himself as gay and Christian, both punishable offenses in Iran, is fighting for his life to be believed by the Swedish government, an entity that has the power to deport him back to Iran where he could face the death penalty, according to LGBTQ Nation.

The incredulous government is putting Khoda's life in danger by potentially deporting him, despite Sweden granting asylum to LGBTQ people who are fleeing a homophobic regime. 

Khoda's transgender sister applied for and was granted asylum in Sweden two years prior, but the government is not so eager to believe Mehdi as he never had a coming out story and was baptized only when he arrived in Sweden. He explains that such practices would be very dangerous in a Muslim-majority country such as Iran.

Currently, Khoda is waiting on the Swedish government's decision on whether or not to deport him. The ruling will happen in two weeks. He is living with his boyfriend, Carlo Rapisarda, who is a Swedish resident. The two plan to get married but can't do so without Khoda having a resident card, which the Swedish government will not give him.

I'm inclined to believe Khoda as I have heard some horror stories about the conditions that the treatment that LGBTQ people receive in certain countries, making them less than eager to express their sexuality. What the Swedish government doesn't understand is that everyone's coming out story is an individual experience and, as such, cannot be applied identically. I hope that Khoxa gets the treatment he deserves and doesn't get deported to a country that will not go easy on him for being gay.

h/t: LGBTQ Nation

Bills Introduced in Kansas Call Same-Sex Marriage a Parody

Two bills have been recently introduced and sponsored by seven Republicans in Kansas that seek to declare same-sex marriage as unconstitutional and define marriage as a union between one man and one woman according to NBC.

The first bill is titled the Marriage and Constitution Restoration Act that states that for millennia civilizations have defined marriage as a union between one man and one woman, that LGBTQ people belong to an "LGBTQ secular humanist community" that usurped the cross and replaced it with a rainbow flag, that being born gay or identifying as the gender that does not match one's biological sex are unfounded, faith-based claims, and that "the government's endorsement of LGBTQ ideology" is the "greatest sham since the inception of American jurisprudence." Along with those claims, the bill also compares LGBTQ rights to the racial equality movement, saying that gay people have it made since they never had to ride in the back of the bus or drink from different water fountains as if two marginalized groups can't both have their own individual problems. 

I could go on with the points made in the bill, but the takeaway is that the seven politicians who support the bill believe that same-sex marriages are just parodies of "real" marriage and that they erode the moral fiber of society and that they are unconstitutional because they violate the first amendment's Establishment Clause because apparently, LGBTQ people are now a congregation.

The other bill, called the Optional Elevated Marriage Act, is equally as ridiculous as the Marriage and Constitution Restoration Act and shares the similar belief that same-sex marriage is fake and it erodes " community standards of decency, unlike secular marriage between a man and a woman, who have reached the age of consent.”

The man responsible for these bills is Chris Sevier, who made headlines in 2014 and 2016 for filing lawsuits in order to marry his laptop as a way to take down same-sex marriage, stating that if two men can marry each other, he should be able to marry his laptop. He has also been on the other side of the law, as he has been accused of stalking two people - country singer John Rich and a 17-year-old girl he met while getting ice cream - so he can hardly claim the moral high ground.  

Jennifer C. Pizer, the Law and Policy Director for Lambda Legal, said the bills hold no water and are legally pointless, but could do real damage at the social level. The sponsors of the bill have already begun to apologize, claiming that they didn't "read the bills" before endorsing them. That's some excellent legislation right there. 

I included the links to the bills if you're feeling particularly masochistic and want to inflict some pain upon yourself. It's good to know that these bills don't really have a chance at getting passed but it is always frightening to think that some people are filled with so much hatred that they would call someone's marriage fake and decry LGBTQ rights by calling them the biggest sham. 

h/t: KS LegislatorNBC

Brown, Allen, & Paxton Among Honorees of 2019 Truth Awards

We’re gearing up for the fifth annual Truth Awards.  Here’s the first rollout of this year’s honorees. More announcements to come. 

Fan favorite, Emmy-winning tv personality Karamo Brown of Netflix’s “Queer Eye;” along with food critic and viral sensation Kalen Allen of “OMKalen,” featured on Ellen DeGeneres’ ellentube.com and YouTube channel; and television exec Tajamika “Taj” Paxton are among the honorees at the fifth annual Truth Awards to be held on Saturday, March 9, 2019 at the Taglyan Cultural Complex, located at 1201 Vine Street in Los Angeles. Festivities will kick off at 6 p.m. with red carpet arrivals and a VIP reception. The event will be hosted by actress Angela Robinson of Tyler Perry’s “The Haves and Have Nots,” which airs on OWN.

The black-tie affair will honor African-American, trailblazing men and women whose personal and professional accomplishments have positively impacted the perception and image of the Black LGBTQ community.  The Truth Awards embody the belief that members of the Black LGBTQ community and its allies who embrace and live their truth should be recognized and honored.  

This trifecta of honorees are making their mark in entertainment while creating a positive dialogue in the space of the African American LGBTQ community.

In 2004, Brown became a familiar face to viewers as a housemate on the hit MTV reality series, “The Real World.” He was the first openly-gay African American in reality television history. Last year, he walked away with an Emmy as the culture expert on the Netflix’s reboot, “Queer Eye,” where his job is to make over the hearts and minds individuals, working through some internal issues. Brown will receive the Culture & Arts Award

Just 22-years old, the viral videos of fresh-faced food critic and YouTube sensation Kalen Allen caught the attention of talk show host Ellen DeGeneres. His “Kalen Reacts” videos went viral with millions of views on Facebook and YouTube and thousands of retweets on Twitter. In addition to being a frequent guest on the ”Ellen DeGeneres Show,” Allen also landed a deal with the popular host and LGBT activist, and now creates new content for the original series, “OMKalen,” on ellentube.com and Ellen’s YouTube channel. As Allen continues to entertain in the digital space, his videos boast an impressive 500+ million views across all branded Ellen platforms, and his social reach is a whopping 3+ million across all platforms. He’s set to star alongside Seth Rogen in an upcoming comedy about pickles. Allen will receive the Social Influencer Award.

Paxton is an award-winning writer, director and producer, who’s nabbed three consecutive Emmy Awards in the documentary category. Interestingly, she and her mother – that is, tv judge Mablean Ephrianm of “Justice With Judge Mablean” -- made television history when the mother-daughter duo nabbed Daytime Emmy nominations in 2018. Recipient of the Media & Arts Award, Paxton currently serves as the head of Logo Documentary Films.

The DIVA Foundation and its founder Sheryl Lee Ralph are especially pleased to continue their partnership with Better Brothers Los Angeles (BBLA) on this effort. Both organizations believe a healthy Black community – one where individuals are allowed to live their truth, free of shame and stigma, and are recognized as equal and rightful members of the community – is a critical piece in the fight to also end HIV/AIDS. This year’s honorees were picked from various fields, including entertainment, fashion, beauty, business, finance and media. 

“Times are certainly changing!” says Ralph. “In this current political environment, it’s important that we continue to support our brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ community, and make it possible for them to live out loud and openly for the world to see.” “Our acceptance and understanding of the LGBTQ community will encourage, inspire and motivate others to live their truth, unapologetically.” 

Past honorees include Emmy-winning actress Loretta Devine, award-winning actor Rockmond Dunbar, the first female NBA referee Violet Palmer, celebrated make up artist Sam Fine, author/writer James Earl Hardy, transgender model Tracey “Africa” Norman, transgender reality star and activist Chandi Moore, Grammy-nominated producer/singer/songwriter B. Slade, advertising executive Aaron Walton of Walton Isaacson (WI), and activist and night club owner Jewel Thais-Williams – just to name a few.

The Truth Awards are made possible with the support of Kaiser Permanente, LeadersUp, In the Meantime Men's Group, New York Life, and KTLA TV.

KTLA 4th Annual Truth Awards Recap Video from 2018



Ticket prices range from $150 for general admission to $250 for premier seating.

Tickets can be purchased on Eventbrite:

 at truthawards5.eventbrite.com 

or https://www.eventbrite.com/e/5th-annual-truth-awards-presented-by-better-brothers-los-angeles-and-the-diva-foundation-tickets-53624633723

The Truth Awards will benefit the DIVA Foundation and its partnership with BBLA, which has initiated several initiatives aimed at affirming and strengthening the African American LGBTQ community educationally, financially, physically and socially. For more information about the organization and its scholarship program, visit www.BetterBrothersLA.com

For more information about the Truth Awards and its honorees, visit www.BetterBrothersLA.com/truthawards


Information and pictures supplied to Instinct Magazine by wrb public relations.

A Homophobic Attack in NM Middle School Shows the Dangers of Homophobia

Unfortunate as it is, homophobia can affect people at any age. In this case, the age is eleven and the victim is Savannah Tirre, a gay middle schooler who was a victim of an assault by classmates after months of homophobic bullying, according to LC Sun News.

The sixth grader has reportedly been a target for bullying since October when she came out as a lesbian. Savannah's mother, Chelsea Tirre, said that the bullying started immediately when her daughter started attending Licacho Middle School, which prompted the family to transfer her to Zia Middle School and despite that, the bullying didn't stop. 

In a video posted to Facebook, Savannah is seen being punched at least six times by an unnamed student standing over her before she attempts to kick the assailant away while recess monitors are heard blowing whistles. Tirre told her mother that the other student punched her from behind.

Although the video doesn't show the intent of the attack  the comments on it included threats of further violence and referred to Savannah as gay. One example of this is a screenshot of the attacker's Facebook status (the name of the student has been blurred out) that said "This little girl is about to get jumped Monday again so get your phones out." Savannah was referred to as a "little lesbian" as well.

Although her classmates didn't take it very well, when Savannah came out to her family in the summer, they were very accepting of her sexuality. As mentioned above, Savannah was also bullied at a previous school but the bullying was so severe that she was admitted to the hospital because she was experiencing seizures. 

Savannah has received a great deal of support from her peers at Zia Middle School which shows that the bullies are simply outliers, but dangerous ones. It is my hope that Savannah doesn't have to be subjected to any further bullying because it truly does take a toll on one's mental health. 

h/t: LC Sun News

Gay Couple Opens Up About Abusive Neighbor

Michael Killackey and his partner detailed the specifics of the abuse they suffered from a neighbor for years when the abusive woman lived next to them in their home in Derby, England, according to Pink News.

Killackey recalled such abusive incidences such as the  woman giving him and his partner a letter that said "The cure to AIDS? Kill gay people," being called a pedophile, being spat at, having sex workers sent to their house, and even having their door coated with feces. Additionally, their neighbor once called for seventeen different takeout deliveries.

Killackey attempted to get the police involved but his complaints were constantly ignored. He lamented that the abuse that was going on for six years took a toll on his mental health and that he frequently felt alone while it was occurring. He also commented that the police "just don't deal with it." Killackey said that the abuse only stopped when his neighbor moved away from them.

However, thanks to Derbyshire LGBT+, Killackey is starting to feel better. Rich Buxton, the Inspector of the Derbyshire Police, spoke at the event and commented - although he was not familiar with Michael's case - that the way it was handled was "disappointing" and that it could have been handled "far better." 

Luckily, the UK government announced that they will increase funding to aid victims of hate crimes, improve responses from authorities, and implement a national education program to combat hate crimes.

I wonder what goes through someone's mind when they decorate another person's property with literal human waste... probably a lot of unjustified hatred. It's good that their neighbor moved away, but what she did was truly unjust and horrible. 



LGBT Brazilians Won't Stand for Bolsonaro's Intolerance

It has been written on Instinct and on other platforms that the Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro is a homophobe (and proud of it) whose influence perpetuates hatred towards LGBTQ people. However, Brazilian politicians are no longer standing for it and are preparing to retaliate against his regressive policies, according to Openly News.

One politician who will fight against Bolsonaro's policies is David Miranda, an openly gay man who replaced Jean Wyllys as Federal Deputy after he fled the country after he received multiple death threats. Miranda is determined to fight for LGBTQ rights in Brazil after Bolsonaro's election, saying "I felt like this was a big blow for democracy... but at the same time, I know the work that I'm going to do... and that makes me eager to fight for my country." 

Miranda is far from the only person who feels that way. There is an increasing number of liberal-minded, tolerant people with some holding seats in the Brazilian government. People like Marcelo Calero, the third openly gay man to be elected to Brazil's lower House of Parliament and Fabiano Contarato, Brazil's first openly gay senator are among others who are willing to lead a "revolution" against Bolsonaro. 

Erica Malunguinho, a transgender deputy in Sao Paulo, commented that because the president is so bigoted that "It's become even more important...to be a guiding force in guaranteeing our rights." Miranda has said that while he is afraid for the future of LGBTQ rights in Brazil, he needs to tackle such issues with courage in order to ensure that there is no regression, only progression. He also wants to open an LGBTQ center in Rio de Janeiro and is optimistic that he will be able to gather the necessary support. 

While Brazil may have a homophobic president that can create problems for LGBTQ Brazilians, it seems that many people, politicians both governmental and local, are willing to fight for what's right and oppose any legislation that actively harms marginalized groups. 

h/t: Openly News

Will Steve Harvey's Family Feud Clip/Response To Gay Contestant Make The List Of Greatest Moments?

In an article late last month we shared This Man Won Almost $100K On Jeopardy And Mentioned His Husband While Doing It, we were witness to a guy just sharing that he's in love with another guy on national television. 

Big deal? Oh, we think so.  We used to be the butt of the jokes.  Who we are and what we did in the bedroom was laughable.  It's easier to laugh things off than accept them.

In 2010 Movieline named Ray on SCRABBLE in the 1980s as one of the 5 weirdest contestants in the history of gameshows. In 2012 AfterElton announced the top 10 best gay moments in the history of game shows--#1 was Charles Nelson Reilly, #2 Paul Lynde and #3--Terry Ray's appearance on SCRABBLE.  - Terry Ray

Who was #2? If you have forgotten who Paul Lynde is, here's a compilation of some of his most memorable appearances in the center of Hollywood Squares. We loved the question about the fairies. 

Before we get to Steve Harvey, let's look at previous example of a gay man stating who he is, and it was even on Family Feud, just down under. 

This is a hilarious piece of blooper footage from the late 1970s on a game show "Family Feud" hosted by Tony Barber. Tony Barber asks one of the contestants if he has a boyfriend unwittingly when he was meaning to ask if he has a girlfriend, Tony then apologizes and gives himself a moment to get himself together and asks if he has a girlfriend and the contestant says "no I'm gay" and he and the his team have a good laugh. Hahahahahahaha that was classic!!!!! Poor Tony lol. - oldtvhistory

Related Post: Connections Between TV Game Shows And Growing Up Gay? Louis Virtel Shares 'Our' Childhood.

So here is the Steve Harvey / Family Feud clip that is making the rounds now. 

Did Steve know about the contestant's response before hand?  Maybe, I mean they do vet contestants, looking for interesting facts to pull out to get a laugh or attention or ratings.  And if he didn't know, the reaction was ... well, what do you think about the reaction?

After looking at all of these other examples from 10 to 20 years ago, why is Harvey reacting this way?  Has he returned to the old ways, using the LGBT lifestyle as a gag? 

How does Steve feel about gay men?  In an E-News post titled Steve Harvey's Most Controversial Moments they share:

On Gay Men - During an appearance on The View, he said, "There isn't a real man living that can live without one of you. He does not exist. We have to have you." Of course, this sparked the panel of hosts to ask about gay men, to which Harvey responded, "Real men…" before he was cut-off and corrected that gay men are "real men," too. - EOnline.com

The recent clip of Harvey's Family Feud was funny, a good laugh, and has us LGBT peeps out in the open as real human beings and parts of families. It's a good thing. But why did he look dumbfounded / a deer in headlights? Why not a high five? Or a congratulatory hand shake? Oh well,  next time we guess. 

He had a positive moment when the Kenworthy family was on his show (Gus Kenworthy Plays 'Celebrity Famiy Feud' For LGBT Youth Charity), where he could not believe that LGBT kids were kicked out of their homes.  He states that he would never stop loving his kids, because they are his kids. 



We'll leave you with a final and funny clip. 

I've Got A Secret - With all members of the cast supposedly gay (Frank DeCaro, Suzanne Westenhoefer, Jermaine Taylor and Billy Bean) and even the host, the surprise guest happened to be Martha Wash. - Myles Miller

What Does The Crisis In Venezuela Mean For LGBTQ People?

Venezuela’s long-running political crisis appears to be reaching a critical point.

President Nicolás Maduro is still holding onto power, but there is growing international support to recognize Juan Guaidó – the leader of the legislature – who declared himself President on 23 January 2019.

Venezuela’s ongoing political discontent has been further fueled in recent months by skyrocketing hyperinflation, power cuts, and shortages of food and medicine. The BBC reports that over three million Venezuelans have emigrated from the country in recent years.

This crisis in Venezuela is affecting everyone in the country, but it’s worth remembering that the LGBTQ community in Venezuela is particularly vulnerable.

Homosexuality is not illegal – the last laws that could be used to persecute LGBTQ people were declared unconstitutional by the country’s Supreme Court in 1997. However there are no legal protections against discrimination based on sexuality.

But Venezuela is a very socially conservative country, and homophobia appears to be widely entrenched as a daily part of life.

I spoke with Luis – a young gay guy who left Venezuela to move to London.

We’re raised in a very macho culture.  If you’re a gay man and you seem to others to be a little camp, you could be in great danger. You could be harassed by other ‘manly’ men, and you could also get beaten-up for being too feminine.

Venezuelan artist and activist Daniel Arzola – who left Venezuela to live in Chile – confirms that his experience was similar.

The most common homophobic format used by Venezuelans is mockery.   Over the last 50 years, the media has been responsible for mocking LGBTQ people. In addition to this, the lack of sexual education creates a society that limits you to a ghetto, where you’re criticized if you express affection in public or act in any way outside of the sexist norm.

As Venezuela’s economy continues to implode, and tensions rise, it’s predictable that the most vulnerable people in society are most at risk.

Content of What does the crisis in Venezuela mean for LGBTQ people? republished with permission from Gareth Johnson

Gareth Johnson

Originally from Australia, Gareth now lives in London. A non-smoker who loves to laugh, Gareth writes about all aspects of the LGBTQ experiences, with a particular passion for travel, sport, and films.

Judge Declares Some Rights Untouchable, Others Not So Much

A student-run Christian organization at the University of Iowa can exclude LGBTQ people from positions of authority thanks to a federal judge, reports LGBTQ Nation.

In 2017, a gay student filed a complaint against the club, called Business Leaders in Christ, after they said that they can join the group but had to recognize that "every other sexual relationship beyond this is outside of God’s design and is not in keeping with God’s original plan for humanity.” The club lost its Registered Student Organization status. 

The members of the club filed a lawsuit because they feel that losing their ROS status violates their first amendment religious right to... discriminate against gay people?

In the University of Iowa, all clubs must follow its Human Rights Policy, which bans discrimination on many different factors including sexual orientation. Judge Stephanie Rose on February 6th ruled in favor of Business Leaders in Christ, stating that the University inconsistently applied its Human Rights Policy, saying that certain clubs such as a group for black LGBTQ were allowed to restrict access to minority groups.   

The university claims that the reason why such groups remain active due to "administrative oversight" and that others remain because they provide a safe space for oppressed minorities. Rose argued that "When free speech is involved, the uneven application of any policy risks the most exacting standard of judicial scrutiny, which Defendants have failed to withstand.”

I attended a Catholic college (they gave me the most scholarship money) that had a GSA but removed it due to the school staff's religious beliefs. Now, is it fair that the rights of religious groups seem to dominate over the rights of others? Personally, I don't think so but many people disagree. 

h/t: LGBTQ Nation