#funny

5 Ways to Become a Very Basic Gay on Facebook

Are you interested in becoming your most basic self on a platform that was once designed for college students and has now become a gigantic s**tshow?

Have you ever gotten to a place on Facebook where you thought, "God, I'm tired of contributing my own brain power and unique thoughts in the world of social media,... how to I dial it down a bit and fit in with some of these other dudes?"

Well fear not, because I am here to show you the five easy steps you can take to becoming the most basic of gay men on Facebook. And it really isn't that difficult at all when you get down to it!

Read these five steps, study them, and by next week, you'll be racking up those "Likes" based on the most absurd and repetitive posts/uploads one can ever do. 


Step One: Check into your gym location at least 6 times a week!

This lets your "friends" know that you earned yourself that cheat meal (in this case, it's usually a healthy burger of sorts) because you recorded all your cardio sessions and included them in the post. Well done!

 


Step Two: Share a meme that's been seen in various forms for so many years.

"Shut up and give me my money," Homer Simpson backing into a bush, and so on and so forth. They usually coincide with the ones that are about "when you see a hot guy at the gym" or "leaving work early feels like..." 

 


Step Three: Post a shirtless pic of yourself and caption it with "Thirst Trap."

This lets everyone know that you are fully aware of what you are doing but that we love you for it anyway (okkkkkkkkk Honey).

 


Step Four: Share thousands of photos from your fifteenth vacation this year.

It basically tells your friends "sucks to be you right now!", when you are in Mykonos/Madrid/San Diego/Miami or someplace hot and they are in their cubicle.

 


Step Five: Send someone a photo of your nether regions which wasn't asked for and most of the time not wanted/needed.

In most cases, you'll be blocked faster than the time it took ABC to cancel Roseanne.


What other ways have you seen your gay friends being uber basic on Facebook?  What basic kinds of posts did we miss that make you think wow, I. MUST. LIKE. cuz it's so basic.


This was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject. Also, this was meant to be funny. Please don't take any of it seriously or to heart! 

Five Funniest Things Gay Men Do in the Summer

This article was penned by internationally known comic entertainer Peter Bisuito. For more information on him, please check out his official website here

It’s June 2018 and summer is right around the gay fabulous corner. It’s time to stretch our smiling muscles, warm up the gag reflexes and laugh at some of the funny shit gay men do in the summer!!

GET ENGAGED

Oh yes, summer is the best time to get engaged. Whether it’s at the beach, a restaurant or on top of a ferris wheel, gay men love to pop the question in the most dramatic way possible. And they especially like to do so after only 3 months of dating. THREE MONTHS!! Now what could possibly go wrong with THAT scenario?? And of course their pronounced love for each other must be dispersed all over social media through cute little poems they’ve written for one another that we all must painfully endure:

“I love Philip and he loves me,

We’re as happy as 2 can be.

I’m so happy that we met,

2 weeks ago on the internet.

Our love is more than enough,

I hope he doesn’t find out I’m still on Scruff.”

And then they finally post that one photo we’re all just waiting for. You know the photo…one guy is on bended knee holding a ring and their caption reads, “HE SAID YES!!” OH PUL-EEZE!! Like I’m supposed to be impressed he said yes after 3 months. What can possibly go wrong with THAT scenario?? My partner and I have been together for 17 years, if I ever posted a photo of myself holding a ring, my caption would read, “HE SAID I GUESS SO.” Ever notice how the word “gag” is in the middle of engaged?? Trust me, it’s NOT a coinkedink.

PRIDE PARADES

Summer time is pride time and pride time is gay time and gay time is FUN time! The gays come out of the woodwork and dress up in their most outrageous outfits to participate in pride parades across the globe. And with good reason! We worked hard and we’ve earned the right to do so! Pride parades are getting so popular that straight people and children also partake in the festivities. YES…KIDS!! There’s a whole new generation of acceptance coming up through the pike. Pride parades with little children marching in support. Take THAT Anita Bryant!

GROOMING

It’s almost summer and now’s the time to look your best. I’ve always been astounded at how the gays love to groom themselves. And I’m all for it. You wanna look good then you need to werk it gurl. Hair salons, days spas, teeth whitening, botox…you name it, the gays are doing it. I even saw a place that offered anal bleaching. Apparently there’s a lot of gays in this world who just don’t like the color of their shit-stained anus. So they have it bleached. Since I’ll try anything once, I decided to look into it and the least expensive anal bleaching I was able to find was $120. I was NOT going to spend 120 bucks to get my anus bleached. So I just ran over to the drug store and bought a bottle of Sun-In for $6.49. I sprayed my anus with Sun-In and laid in the sun for over 4 hours with my legs in the air. Unfortunately my anus turned orange, however I did make lots of new friends!

PLAY SPORTS

Now, I don’t know about you, but I hate sports. I was awful at sports growing up. I was that moron in basketball always running the wrong way on the field trying desperately to avoid that penalty dug out. I still have visions on my father sitting in the bleachers hanging his head in shame. But for some gays, they love being on a team and participating in something that NO gay man should participate in unless it’s gymnastics or ice-skating. To me gay men who play sports is the equivalent to lesbians in musical theater.

GET POLITICAL

Summer is best time for the gays to get political. Why?? Cuz we LOOOVE to march in protest. Not just because it’s good cardio and firms up the triceps by lifting heavy signs up and down, but because gays love to fight for justice. Haven’t you noticed whenever the gays get pissed off, all the arts & crafts stores raise their rates on poster board & markers? Fighting for injustice is what we do. But what the gays don’t understand is that all this marching is completely unnecessary. If you want to change the laws in this country and fight injustice, all you really need is a pissed off lesbian. It’ll free up much of your time so you can concentrate on much more important things. Like getting engaged, going to pride parades, having your anus bleached or playing volleyball.

Funny: Viewers Demand More Male Full-Frontal On HBO

Have you ever noticed the amount of female nudity on HBO? Why so little "full frontal" from the male characters?

The ladies of College Humor called out HBO a few years ago demanding equal time for their viewing pleasure asking for more 'Full Monty' from men on the premium channel.

And still today, they have a point, don't they?

"We're not saying 'no more boobs," say the girls. "We just think you should show dong."

"I want a little 'Dude Tube' on my 'Boob Tube,'" says another.

They even point out the easy opportunities the channel blew. "You had a show called Hung about a guy with a big d*ck - and we never got to see it??”

"Game of Thrones? We were promised a 'storm of swords.'"

The ladies come armed with suggestions - like two guys showing naked peen. You know, like, comparing sizes. 

"Ooh, and it's a tie, so then they have to wrestle naked and there's some cross-dong action."

No argument here ;)

I think these ladies have a point. And to be fair, they offer up a compromise: “For every minute we have to sit through this dumb double standard, you owe us an inch of Grade A man meat.”

Since nothing's really changed, it's time to level the playing field.

What do you say, HBO?

Watch the video below.

 

 

These Sexy, Gender-Swapped "Star Wars" Pics Will Bring Balance to the Force

A fun, sexy fan twist on an infamous Star Wars moment just went viral thanks to a shout-out from Luke Skywalker himself. Last November, actors America Young and Dove Meir posed for a series of photos sending up Carrie Fisher’s “slave” outfit in Return of the Jedi. Meir’s original Instagram post read: “What if Han Solo was cast as a woman and Leia a man?”

The shoot recently caught fire on Twitter, and it blew up on May 8 when Mark Hamill posted this to his Twitter:

Even 35 years ago, the “slave Leia” costume was controversial for its depiction of female objectification. These days it’s laughable, and a little sad. One of very few elements of the original trilogy that hasn’t aged well (this was a family film for goodness’ sake!).

Fisher was outspoken in her disdain for the costume. She told Daisy Ridley, “Don’t be a slave like I was. … You keep fighting against that slave outfit,” in a conversation with Interview before she passed away in late 2016.

The new shoot, on the other hand, is an impressive, edgy and hugely enjoyable display of good sportsmanship. As an added bonus, Meir has a washboard stomach and legs for days. These photos will age a lot better than Princess Leia’s first chunk of screen time in Return of the Jedi.

The Advocate recently tracked down Young and Meir for a conversation about the shoot. Check it out, along with the rest of the photos, here:

https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/2018/5/16/viral-hana-solo-and-slave-leo-want-make-star-wars-queerer#media-gallery-media-0

 

Melissa McCarthy Shades a Well Known Gay Porn Star in Hilarious Video

What does actress Melissa McCarthy have against super cute Arad Winwin?

The Emmy-award winner just did a hilarious YouTube video for Glamour Magazine where she gives strangers on the internet some unsolicited advice. This is part of her promotion for her upcoming film Life of the Party which comes out next month. 

One of them happened to be Arad, who asked his followers the question of "Hey guys. New profile pic??? What do you think???"  The photo shows him wearing nothing but a pair of skintight underwear that shows off a package that is definitely... win-win.

"I think pull your pants up," Melissa exclaimed. "We know you are in good shape... pull your pants up!" So it looks like Melissa won't be watching any of Arad's movies anytime soon.

Clip here:

 

 

 

 

Gus Kenworthy Says He Would Die Happy 'Choking to Death' on This

Oh Gus Kenworthy, your naughtiness knows no end!

This past year alone, he has offered Ricky Martin and his partner Jwan Yosef a chance to make up for a "missed connection" as well as passionately making out with his boyfriend Matt Wilkas and fellow Olympian Adam Rippon all over the world.  But what, in particular, would make his death full of sheer happiness if he was able to "choke to death" on it?

Get your mind out of the gutter folks!  Turns out, it's a delicious soft pretzel from Auntie Anne's that would make his death simply blissful if he accidentally choked to death on it.  Based on how yummy they are, we definitely couldn't agree more.  

A particular type of produce (lettuce) was jealous of his love of the breaded deliciousness that is Auntie Anne's, and decided to see if he liked the crunchy green veggie as well.

His response definitely got the lettuce all wilted up:

By the way, we weren't the only one to think dirty thoughts when it came to his original tweet.  See below:

 

 

Who Would Kathy Griffin Save From Death: Andy Cohen or Anderson Cooper?

Kathy Griffin has let her opinions be heard about several different people in and out of the entertainment industry (take a look at our exclusive we did with her last month for a taste of that), however two punching bags that she seems to get a thrill out of shading recently is her former boss Andy Cohen and her former best friend Anderson Cooper.

Andy, who was Kathy's boss during her time on Bravo's My Life on the D-List and her talk show that aired in the early 2010's, wasn't exactly cherished by the legendary comedian.  She went on a 17-minute rant about him and TMZ's Harvey Levin back in October.  During that video, she said that he was a "miserable boss", made allegations about his drug use and said that he (alongside Harvey) lived to take women down. 

At the same time, she and Anderson had a major falling out after the whole Trump photo situation, where he shaded her on social media and essentially chose career over friendship in the process.  This became a big topic of conversation on social media when Andy replaced Kathy to host CNN's New Year's Eve, which was universally panned as a result.

Kathy decided to keep her shade about the two of them going, as she appeared on Howard Stern's talk show earlier this week.  The legendary radio host asked her a simple question about them: "If you had to save Anderson Cooper's life, or Andy Cohen's life, who do you choose at this point?"

"I would let them both die," Kathy quickly retorted.  Not shocking at all.

What are your thoughts on Kathy's response? 

 

Kinky: Karen and Malcolm Get it On With Smitty in the 'Will & Grace' Finale!

Well... this was something we never saw coming!

The Will & Grace revival's season finale is this Thursday, and in a shocking move, Karen (Megan Mullally) and Malcolm (Alec Baldwin) make a move on, wait for it... SMITTY (Charles C. Stevenson Jr.)!

Smitty has been one of the show's most beloved actors, primarily because of how inappropriate hilarious his scenes are with Karen.  He first appeared at the end of the fourth season as a bartender, and since then has become Karen's go to person when it comes to laughing hysterically for all the wrong reasons. 

Pretty much Karen will ask him a question about how hard life is, then Smitty will say something terrible that has happened to him, a friend or a family member as it relates to Karen's question, and then Karen starts giggling immediately and thanks Smitty for cheering her up.  It's terrible, but amazing.

In the most recent episode, we find out that Malcolm and Karen are having an affair behind Stan's back.  On the finale, it looks like they use Smitty as a decoy as someone else may have found out (Jack came close to discovering the two of them last week but Malcolm was able to blend in with the hotel's curtains as a disguise).

Then, they both kiss Smitty, to which he says "Hashtag me too!" 

See the clip below:

 

 

 

Adam Devine Sat Down with His Father to Discuss His Nude Scenes

Talk about family bonding.

Pitch Perfect star Adam Devine made waves recently as he became the latest actor to go full-frontal in the Netflix film Game Over, Man!

The much-talked about scene has definitely got people talking, one of which happens to be his own father as they enjoyed a private screening of the movie while discussing... his privates.

In a video that he posted on his Instagram, he and his dad get into an interesting discussion regarding his peen, including comparing the size between the two.

"My penis is your favorite part of the movie?” joked Adam.  “Hell yes, I made that…” his dad replied. Umm...

That didn't stop Adam from making things super awkward (as if they already weren't) by then asking "Is it the same size?" to which his dad boasted by saying one word, "bigger."

The video then cut before the discussion likely continued about who really was bigger (allegedly).  See the cringe-esque clip here

 

A Hysterical Grindr 'Suggestion' is Making Its Way Through the Interwebs

Apps like Grindr and many others like it are known for its hilarity in terms of the responses many people get that range from funny to scary to really making us wonder if there are some crazy MF'ers out there, however this latest one that's making the rounds online is quite the giggle fest indeed.

Someone on the popular gay app was talking with another user about how they would "get down" in the bedroom, and it started out sounded somewhat romantic.

"Pick you up, place you against the wall, legs wrapped around me.  Kiss you deep, probing."

Then, it goes so out of left field by including a highly-discussed reference point from the past week or so.

"Then I'll enter you, and when I'm in to the hilt, I'll look you in the eyes and tell you that Shangela should have won."

 

 

CLEVER!  This of course refers to RuPaul's Drag Race star Shangela not winning All Stars 3 last week in favor of Trixie Mattel.  So if you can't win on the main stage, you can at least get some satisfaction out of "hypothetically" winning in the bedroom.  Halleloo indeed. 

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