Ryan Shea's picture

I'm Gay, Fat, and Single. Nothing to Worry About Though

When you get to the age of 26-27, you start to realize that your Facebook and social media accounts become flooded with “I’m engaged!”, “We are getting married!”, “We are having kids!” and so on and so forth.  It can be alarming, a bit consuming, and can make you analyze your life in terms of progress with the typical “societal” factors of where you should be around that age.  For me, I’m in my early 30’s and happen to not be in a relationship, somewhat overweight, and openly gay.  Should I be concerned that these things aren’t happening for me at this time in my life?

Turning 30 can have a myriad of reactions depending on the type of person you are.  For example, my best friend turned 30 two years ago, and she became a volcano of emotions which erupted when the cake her mom was making came out a different color than it was supposed to be.  This led to her admissions of hating that she was single, not in the best shape of her life, bad job, and so on and so forth.  The cake wasn’t representative of her anger, but it was the catalyst that made her think that everything in her life is wrong.  But do all of those things really matter just because of a number?

Societally speaking, when someone turns 30, you either start or are in the process of wanting to find a mate for a relationship.  For me though, dating in and out of the NYC gay scene has been interesting, funny, pathetic, and so many other ways to describe dating in general.  In my 20’s, I had one long term relationship that lasted for a year, and a couple 3 to 4 month ones that didn’t work out for its own reasons.  Do I regret any of them?  No, they are all life lessons that I have learned from and do my best to not make the same mistakes in future dating/relationship scenarios.  When you are in a city like New York, your career is somewhat put at the forefront, especially if you are a go-getter like myself.

Nine years ago, I couldn’t find a job in this economy after college and that has changed drastically for the positive over the past year or so. Clearly, my 20’s were about building my brand and myself, yet in the back of my head, I do wonder that if I put the effort that I did with my career into a relationship, would I be further along with the latter like I am with the former?  I’m not sure at this point.

Another thing that people seem to always hone in on is weight.  I have discussed weight in several related articles, as mine has yo-yo’d up and down for years.  Due to one of my jobs as a food critic and traveling all the time, it becomes hard for me to make time for the gym, which then leads to a ton of excuses as to why I have not gone.  In the past five years, I have put on a good 40-50 pounds, and can definitely feel it.  Yes, I have to go to the XL and XXL section sometimes, and I’ll try to make time for the gym, however I have built a big confidence in myself over the past couple of years where people see me for me and not because I’m textbook “overweight”.  I’ll have another piece of cake if I want it, thank you very much.

For me, turning 30 was more of an accomplishment as I have been through quite a lot in my life.  I lost my mother to cancer at a young age, survived the economy and am doing pretty well for myself, given the scenarios.  So, for me, instead of dwelling on what I don’t have, I try to focus on what I do. 

So many of us are focused on what we can improve on what we aren’t happy with, but don’t sit back for a second and see what we have actually accomplished.  So the f**k what if I am single?  So what if I’m fat?  So what if I would rather spend my nights with an order of Steamed Dumplings and my Roku than perusing the bar scene until 2:00 AM?  Stop focusing on what you think society wants out of you and focus on what YOU want out of you.  Doing so will make the number 30 just that, a number.


This was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject.

Comments

+1
0
-1
[-]

Being fat is really unacceptable, yes life is full of stressers from multiple facets, but turing to food to gorge yourself out and hide away the pain just leaves you looking uglier both inside and out.  Fat people who are lonely and complain have brought it upon themselves, so put away those "steam dumplings" and go ride your bike, in the end you'll be much happier, and probably get laid more too

+1
0
-1
[-]

That's some top-level-shit ignorance right there.  You clearly don't understand the concept of different body types (genetically speaking), and other circumstances such as financial status that affect people's lifestyles.

You clearly are blessed with plenty of free time, so how about you put away your bike and pick up some books.  An educated mind is attractive forever, but a hot body never lasts.

+1
0
-1
[-]

I had not had any relationship until I turned 40.  We will be celebrating our 15th year together this coming November.  As humans we are all distinctly different and as such many of us will not necessarily fit the mold society has provided us.  I am here to tell you this is perfectly okay.  

Live your life to the fullest, find your happiness, and be your genuine self.  In the end, happy, confident and genuine people win out, and are far more attractive than those that aren't.

+1
0
-1
[-]

Same but in my 40's.

+1
0
-1
[-]

Blake Mitchell should read this and come back to earth!

+1
0
-1
[-]

If long distance isn’t a problem, I would love to go out with you....

+1
0
-1
[-]

I am 38 and I gotta tell you, you are so right.  My 30s have been way happier than my 20s since I know what I want.  I also don't care at all what people think.  The only bad part is before my mid 30s my body never complaint.  I could drink without thinking of hangovers, sleep on the floor etc...  once you start getting into your late 30s you start to realize that your body needs more care and love. 

+1
0
-1
[-]

Being overweight is no big deal at 30.... But It will give you BIG problems in your 50"s. Hope that cake will still be worth it down the road.

+1
0
-1
[-]

But a negative mental attitude is something you can enjoy right now, yes?

+1
0
-1
[-]

I was happily single through my early 30s. It was so much better than my 20s because my career was in good shape and I had money in my pocket to be able to go out and have fun. I had a nice apartment, a good circle of friends who ranged from younger to older, and a career that took me places. In my 20s, even though I had a career, most of my friends didn't yet. And that was inhibiting. But as someone who has recently lost 30lbs, my suggestion is that you try to lose the weight while you're as young as possible. Because as you get older, the weight has negative health effects in a lot of ways that most people don't think about. And it gets much more difficult to shed the weight once you're out of your mid-30s. 

Add new comment