Ryan Shea's picture

Help Me Out: How Do Gay Men Afford Such a Lavish Lifestyle?

This is a bit of a continuation from a piece I did back in August. 

A major debate landed on social media yesterday, when the topic of gay men and their disposable income once again became the focal point of a major conversation. The reason for this is due to the amount of vacations and trips many have taken over the past week or so due to the variety of gay events that are happening across the country (International Mr. Leather AKA IML, Gay Days in Orlando, Texas Bear Roundup, etc).

The argument was two-fold a bit, as there were questions raised regarding how many of these men can afford this sort of lifestyle while having copious amounts of PTO (Paid Time Off) in order to make it happen. 

I for one, am not a hater of how anyone chooses to live their lives in the gay community nor am I envious of these people. Over my years of living in New York City, I have developed somewhat of a "stay in your lane" mentality where I don't let other people's thoughts about me or the world influence my overall opinion on things. But this situation is more of a curiosity one, as I struggle to really understand just how gay men, albeit single or partnered, can really do this every year?

The events that one can go to as a gay man in a 365 day calendar year knows no limits. It can be one that is gay themed, or simply a vacation that they would like to take for their own reasons. Regardless of cutting corners and whatnot, these trips can average costs of at least $1,000 if not more... so how is this happening? Are these people simply lucky in their careers that they are able to do this sort of thing, do they have a "sugar daddy" of sorts who provides them with lavish trips or is it something else that they have done to ensure a fabulous year ahead of time?

I once again asked this question to a bunch of my friends, who came up with some pretty interesting theories regarding the affordability and time off some gay men have in our community. This included the term "f**kboys," saving up, location of where you live, age, and so much more. 

Some of us don’t live in the most expensive city in the states (New York City, San Francisco, etc). 

Daddies, Drugs, and some hardworking guys. Lol.

Marry a New York City lawyer, 

This doesn't apply to me personally, but I talk to lots of people about finances since I'm a recruiter. I've found that big Silicon Valley tech companies will still pay pretty high salaries for people to work remotely. So making San Francisco money when you live in Missouri goes a long way.

So people just get to go cause they use others and are Fuckboys. But that’s a thing some folks are into...

For a lot of guys, they save all year long for their bear-filled vacay.

I didn’t do IML nor can i speak for everyone else but i usually plan all my trips 6 months - year in advance. They release dates a year ahead for the sake of saving money, i don’t have last minute circuit coin lol.

As a flight attendant my job allows me to fly for free and with seniority, I’m lucky enough to have off 18 days a month. So I think it depends on the job one hold also.

I've worked on circuit parties all over the country and few a hot minute did the bear/leather market in the midatlantic. most packages except for rather elite VIP were around 250-300. that's an average going out 2 nights a week in most cities. hotel, again worked out basically the business rate deal with a hotel that had breakfast. there u go. most parties or runs had healthy food out that was donated just show the badge or there in the case of the bears a dinner incorp'd into the price. i agree with most unless u are a true queen and u need a bag of peanuts for an hour or two flight go coach, sorry, i ate breakfast before needing a snack. know the locals, there is this thing called the internet, find out where they go for cheaps, stay away from the chains. i dont know how on a 3 day weekend u are spending 300 on food unless u have a disorder...no shade..as someone who worked it for a living. maybe 100.

Most bears are older and more established, many of my bear friends are attorneys, doctors, realtors, IT managers and those trips arent that expensive. I would spend $1000-$1500 for a trip to Tidal Wave. and someone who makes on average over $100k as a couple, it's really not much. As a realtor I took 6 vacations a year and when u are older you also have accumulated some vacation time.

It’s called the gay club. You have to be a member. Like the softball players. How can they travel all over the country every weekend for a game? Yes how do employers like giving so much time off and yes how do people afford 19 vacations a year? It’s called the gay club I guess. I’m elderly and I usually get just one major vacation a year and then leftover vacation days here and there for long weekend getaways that has to be planned in advanced and saved for. Frustrating.

I work remotely and share rooms. I haven’t been able to travel much since I live alone now. Before when my rent was 400 LOL I could do anything!

How do you think gay men afford these trips, does it make you envious in some kind of way?

This was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject.